Evolution

The past one week had seen me giving way to frustration and depression with no reserve, just like a prehistoric mammal. The past few days have been stages, infact leaps, in the process of my evolution. Talks about the tour getting stronger day by day , more number of people getting roped in for the tour on one side; a greater number's seeming uninterest in the tour and the ridiculous reasons proposed on the other side had me on tenterhooks for some days. And then ,I was rewarded. The entire mood had changed over a weekend. Friday saw the realisation of one of my greatest wishes- seeing Kalam in person and hearing his talk.It send every bit of unnecessary emotion out. He was humility personified, simplicity through and through and expressed strong thoughts through carefully chosen out , seemingly simple words.
Saturday came ,and we went on the much awaited IV to Keltron thanks to IEEE. It was more of a tour with 35 students from class turning up. Infact, it was better than a class tour because there were students right from s3 to mtech. After some hours at Keltron, where we learnt about transformers [:-o] we set out to Aruvikkara, which was incidentally quite close by. Although extreme hunger did dampen the spirits and cut short the time spent , it was thoroughly enjoyable....but the day ended on a tragic note with Tonykuttan, our class rep, losing his mobile to the currents; more tragic because two days before he took extreme pains to collect everyones phone numbers and save it. The next day, Sunday, saw us together again- this time for the purpose of attending a friend's house warming. The entire class was invited and with a few exceptions, the entire class did turn out. The house was in Nedumangadu , so a long trip though beautiful frames followed. There was non stop laughter , right from boarding the bus , till getting off the return bus; thanks to the great achievements of Aiswarya. This time, there was more scope for enjoyment for I was not the subject of embarassment (save one incident). The day was flooded with 'first-time experiences'. (1) It was for the first time that I drank the delicious concoction of 'one spoon each of pulishery,rasam, curd served on a glass'
(2).The first time we were questioned by the police as to our reasons for the visit when they saw us standing clustered at the road side.
(3)Hearing typical trivandrum slang after having been here for so many years
(4)For many students from northern Kerala, it was a first time trivandrum sadya and they were intimidated by the number of payasams.
Atlast, the class has turned better, or so it seems to me, and I find myself looking forward for the real IV!....nothing better than a juicy strike to top it up!

GREAT TIMES

Several people have asked me to put down the embarassments i have had in my life....they made the request after they themselves witnessed how often i come across embarassments...and ...one "man's folly is food for anothers mirth" -says pp, so i decided to oblige.
but to put down the multitude of situations would make it an autobiography spreading over volumes , so restricting myself to those few occasions when i turned first red, then yellow, then black and finally green....

scene 1: a fine day in 2005

the school annual day....things were going very well....we had finished a dance without any major mishaps( ignoring the fact that the cassette did not play the first time and we were welcomed by howls and hoots)......the final pose was struck and as the rule goes i waited for the curtain to fall to resume from the pose. i was way upfront, had gone farther than i have intended to .....everyone kept staring at me while i remain stuck in the pose which resembled Christ on the cross but since i cant see without my glasses, i couldnt catch their expression....after a long time of waiting some one asked me from behind "chechi, akathu varunnille".....i realized to my horror that the curtain had fallen behind me and everyone had gone offstage while i was enacting the clown......after turning multiple shades at the same time, i retreated feeling wretched and horrible.....my classmates took up the issue and for days congratulated me on my "out"standing performance as they called it....

scene 2: another fine morning in 2006

the first day in college...

we (my cousin aka unni) and me decided to go by college bus ...we went to the stop and found a guy there who looked like a CET student....unni goes over and makes his first slip of the day "chetta, chettan first year aano"...the senior just laughed and said no but he had a " wait till i get you" expression. we stood together and were chatting about something when the bus showed up.
once aboard the bus i had the privelege of being the first first year girl on bus...i was called up front and questions fired from all sides
1: who was the guy laughing with you?
although unni is my dad's cousins son , to avoid him further discomfiture, i said he's my dad's sisters son...first cousin to be precise
then they called unni ...and while i was there asked him "how are you related?"
unni, in his own way to avoid inconvenience , said " we are distant relatives"
i felt like burying myself then and we were turned out to be the fraud brother and sister......

footnote: even today people really wonder if we ARE brother and sister thanks to his over, melodramatic way of calling me "sister" before starting every sentence.

Favourites

the best songs ever , in my opinion.

oldie goldies:
1. chakravarthini
2. kasthuri manakkunnallo
3. kalpantha kalatholam

middle melodies:
1. vathil pazhuthilode
2. arikil nee undayirunnenkil
3. etho varmukilin
4. vaalkkannezhuthiya

latest loves:
1. oru naru pushpamayi
2. oru chempaneer
3. shyamavaniletho

other languages:
1.pachai nirame
2. chinna chinna asai
3. ek ladki ko

updates

since i had formed the habit of tarnishing the image of many an ECE teacher in my previous post , i think it my moral obligation to put down the SLIGHT change for the better that has materialised of recent times.
1. the subjects are now better....either because my mind has come into terms with the forced aquaintance with them or they just get better after a few initial boring hours
2. some free hours have cropped up which makes life bearable
3. fortunately or unfortunately there are only two days lab per week
4. all the fans in the class have resumed operation thanks to quick undertakings by our new rep.
5.ambily mam has found renewed confidence in herself...now the lectures are delivered unstutteringly. we have struck a chord with her... as long as we keep within the limits she doesnt require us to pay attention in class....so classes are 10 percent problem solving and 90 percent talking...a classmate recently demonstrated that she wouldnt know even if you go out through the front door.
6. sumam mam- same, unerring, ..... she brings about a sense of de ja vu with her.... everything right from s3 comes back in a blur...the same words uttered in the present context relate to something quite different from the past.
7. ebin sir- the proud ringmaster of the only good show in the circus.
8. neetha mam- same again, quiet, smiling with occasional biting comments. but the only person to whom i ask doubts with the hope that they get cleared.
9. suresh k- although his classes are still a bore and resemble a single actor art film, (with very few audience coz of the fact that he disclosed he wouldnt be taking attendance till next week which took a larger part of the populace out of the classroom walls), it feels good to be taught by someone who knows what he is saying.
10. though i dint land the electives i wanted my choice struck gold. i ve got electives that are always free.
11. friends , from their recent blog activity, have found ways of reducing anger and stress and from their irritable mood has gone to a state of frivolity. this has led to me being in splits of laughter most of the time.

so, in general, when life becomes unbearable, you blog, god reads ur blog and answers ur prayers and makes life a tinge better!

the ends (post number 50)

end 1:

she woke up the next morning, fairly refreshed and happy. while getting out of bed, she noticed that she had something clutched in her hand. looking down at it all the sense of foreboding returned. it was a piece of fabric, from a robe that sparkled like the sun, that someone had torn out ........

end 2:

she woke up feeling fairly refreshed and happy. she called Derek and atlast got him. He sounded relieved when he heard her voice. she didnt make any complaints regarding the neglect with which he had treated her for the past few days, she was just happy at having him back...infact having her life back the way it was before the dream came. they planned to meet at the beach in the evening.
that day she worked with a pleasurable excitement and kept glancing at the time, urging it to go fast. atlast evening came and she rushed off to the beach..
she shuddered slightly at the sight of the waves but then she caught sight of him and everything came back.
she stood looking at the sea, wondering about the stories it could reveal but chose not to... he had asked her to marry him and she had said yes.....as she stood nestled in these happy thoughts something struck her feet. she looked down and all the sense of foreboding returned. it was a small golden key....maybe the waves had brought it back.....she bent, picked it up and threw it to the sea with all her might.....silently urging the waves not to return it atleast this time.......
as she turned to go she saw someone striding towards her. he asked in an apologetic tone" have you seen a key somewhere along this part of the shore? i had lost it here ..."..................
without batting an eyelash she replied" no i dint, but i wasnt paying attention ... was it something important?" ...." yes.... very.." he said with a disheartened look ......" the waves must have taken it..." she said and went away thinking to herself" so much for dreams".

chapter 4

the next day she spent a long time searching for any details about the fort. she tried google to get pictures of forts but too many results showed up, none matching her fort.as the night drew near, she knew nothing more about her dream and for once she feverishly wished that the same dream should follow and make some things clear; maybe because she saw Derek in it , but she believed, quite superstitiously as she herself knew, that this dream had an impact on her life.

night came and she slept fitfully. at around midnight she stirred. the dream had begun. this time she was at the central pool, the dark stagnant abyss with the golden key somehow contrived to float in its midst. she wanted to get at the key but she couldnt risk stepping into the water as she knew that years of trickling water had taken the pool to formidable depths. a thread hung at the end of the pool , with its other end bound to the key. she pulled at it and noted happily that the key came along . just as she took the key in her hand, a grip as strong as steel took over her hand. she turned to see the priest, or Derek, with his covered eyes..giving a creepy feeling that he saw things beyond normal range. as she made futile attempts to let go from the iron grip , her mind was going over various ways of escape. as if she had known all along , the answer showed itself. light was her way of escape. the darkened room, the mirrors reflecting light, the stricken panicky retreat that the crowd beat on seeing the bright spark.....it all pointed to one thing. they were afraid of light. they couldnt bear to face light directly. she conjured up a fire somehow, maybe her will to escape gave her the power, but it worked. as the priest writhed in agony at the sudden exposure to light, she wrenched herself free and ran to safety. the water running over the high walls surrounding the pool had stopped flowing .... that indicated that the tide was low ....the safe shore was in her reach. she scrambled out of the exit and with what remained of her might, she closed the door to the fort with all its wickedness intact and ran to the shore. she threw the key to the waves and asked them to take it into the depths and never to bring it back. she jumped awake and remained seated on her bed for sometime. somehow she knew the dream wouldnt recur, with the fort she had closed from her world all the stories its interiors held. she feelt a calm wave of relief wash over her and noticed how strung she had been for days. she slept soundly , making a note to meet Derek the next day.

chapter 3:The story resumes

note: till now the story was based on real events. henceforth every word is pure fiction.

the recurring dreams seemed to her to be a premonition of danger. every morning found her scared out of wits as more pictures unravelled in her dreams. she tried Derek's number but got his answering machine. the apprehension that he was giving her a cold shoulder strengthened. for two days she had been directed to his answering machine and when she called at his office he was supposedly engaged in a conference and had not cared to call back in answer to her multiple messages . well, the bad luck had begun. Derek would soon be out of the picture and she would be alone yet again. she was surprised at the extent of her affections for him which she had never before cared to express. the sensible in her soon took control and she forgot all about her dream . the day was just the same , the only difference being that Derek did not meet her for coffee as planned. How like men to forget appointments and not even care to send an explanatory note.
as night approached , she found herself getting scared. she was afraid to go to sleep , lest the dream should come again. she resolved to spend the night watching tv but the futility of it all soon descended on her. how long would she go sleepless, in fear of some dream. she switched off the tv and went to bed.
somewhere in the deep sleep, she stirred. she was dreaming again. she was at the room with the sculpted God. but this time she wasnt alone. the room was filled with people dressed in odd, flowing robes of black. as she walked down the central aisle , everyone moved apart on either side of her to let her pass.. she was stared at in awe and there was a certain amount of reverence in their gazes. someone stuck out a hand and tore a piece of fabric from her robe. she looked down to find that she wasnt wearing the odd robe. she was dressed in a golden robe that sparkled like the sun. she reached the platform that lay directly in front of the God. there stood a man who obviously adorned a greater position compared to the folk who thronged the room below. at once, something odd about the room struck her. here , there were no lights. but still it had the look of being dimly lit. she looked around for the source of light and found two large mirrors which reflected the moonlight that fell from a hole in what should be the ceiling of the room. she was escorted to a low table in front of the god and the priest turned. she gasped as she realised that the priest's face bore a curious resemblance to Derek. she was laid down on the table. the priest came close and looked at her. he had his eyes covered with a thin black veil...she wondered if he could see her. he mumbled something in a language she did not know. but her intuition told her that it was a prayer uttered in such force that she knew it was a final prayer. even before she knew a brilliant sparkle illuminated the room. the men scurried to the shadowy corners , their eyes covered with their hands in the dazzle. she got up and ran away from the room , away from the carved, silver hilted sword that would soon have worked its way into her insides........stumbling along the dark corridors she moved to a source of light that seemed to be growing larger. she soon found out the exit....the hole that would lead her out of the fort. looking from the exit, in the moonlight, she spotted shore not very far away. as she waited, the tide withdrew, exposing a cobbled pathway that led to the shore. she ran as fast as her soggy costume would allow her.
she woke up drenched in sweat and found that she was clutching a piece of fabric in her hand, a piece which she had torn from her dress just like someone had done in her dream.

The soothing tones of Sreeragam

music has always had the quality to soothen ruffled nerves. the different ragas blend together melodiously to create an atmosphere of leisure, calm and happiness. my favourite is the sreeragam. supposed to be the raaga in which the rain falls, this ragam has a special feel associated with it... the same feel associated with falling rain. going beyond the realms of classical music, i quite recently realised that most film songs i liked were composed in this raaga.
some compositions in this raaga: 1. entharo mahanubhavulu
2. etho varmukilin
3. neelaravil innu
4.ravin nila
5. oru chempaneer
6.pooncholai kiliye
7. karuna cheyvaan

The boring Seven

atlast the seventh semester is here....time does move fast. the start gave a lot to be desired. the move from the spacious, airy s5 s6 class with two doors( placed at strategic locations) to the stuffy, dark s7 s8 class was truly disheartening. this led to a considerable decline in the time we spent inside the class. we got a taste of the placement drama when thoughtworks came to campus and left without recruiting anyone. and the subjects......better left unsaid. none of them seem to be interesting and the two electives i wanted to take were cancelled( as luck would have it) due to lack of interested takers. the teachers...well a lot to be said in this regard. we have a set of new teachers this sem and except for sumam mam we dint know how the others fared. but the bubble burst soon enough. the first class found us fairly expectant ... the teacher was ambily mam. my previous acquaintance with her wasnt very encouraging. she accompanied us to 'starwars' and left us at the railway station and went home leaving us to fend for ourselves. she seemed like a frightened rabbit in a lions cage as she came to our class and taught(theoretically) a lot of unimportant stuff. neetha mam was quiet and smiling but her opening sentence was 'those who arent interested can leave the class' which disquietened the prevalent high spirits. sumam mam was her usual smiling self with her usual entrance and exit lines delivered to perfection. she told about VLSI exactly what she told about SSD and AC. the exit line was a gratifying' u r the best s7 class ever' which was delivered a bit unconvincingly.

and then the much awaited class arrived. the one of Suresh .k. he was supposedly an intellectual being with a thourough knowledge of the subject acquired through vast reading and research. we were given to believe that his class was ' the ultimate'. and when it did happen it was 'the ultimate koora'. for one thing he looked everywhere except at the class. so while he taught the tree outside the window , the door , the ceiling and the floor, we were left to follow our own pursuit of happiness. sadly it was a double hour.the first half hour i heard every word in the hope that the class would soon 'evolve'. half an hour hence, when things did not seem to be taking a turn for the better, i gave up and lost myself. after several transmission losses and returns and what seemed like an eternity of teaching i looked at the watch to find that only five minutes were past. then we engaged in the game of looking at each others faces and laughing at our own predicament. sir was droning on about probability. if david sir had killed probability for us , this man took it out of its grave and stabbed it multiple times. i watched sadly as yet another subject went down the drain in two hours time. but he left quite an impression on us. we all liked the person, approved of his wide knowledge but believed teaching wasnt quite his profession.the ritual of forming a project team followed and after multiple takes, one got fixed. then came the hunt for a seminar topic and a project guide. classes were boring and happened regularly while the applied batch NEVER had any class. my friends were getting irritable, twitchy and nervy of recent times .the same feelings would have come over me but i found refuge in food and sleep. while things arent going very well on the college side, everything was getting better in the family side and after many years , i like sitting at home better than going to college .

the end

story ends abruptly due to lack of imagination!

chapter 2: Haunting

She woke up with a start. it was the same dream again. the same place.... the tall inaccessible fort with the sea surrounding it lashing onto the shore in all its fury...the sense of foreboding that hung about the place, the odd carved faces that inhabited the stone walls speaking of a bygone era.....she broke into a sweat..... recurring dreams were bad. though she wasnt superstitious , there was something she did not like about this recurrence. This was the third time the same place had shown itself in her dream. and as she had done the twice previously, she tried to imagine every possible place where she would have seen this fort .....surely it should have got absorbed into her subconscious from somewhere... as before she drew a blank.

the first time she saw it, it was a temple. she was walking through the one of the myriad paths that branched off the main vein and came across a room from whence issued the sound of gushing water.she followed the sound and turned a corner ... and found herself one step away from a deep pool... the stagnant waters lay enticing, licking at her feet ...waiting to embalm her into its folds......the shock had woken her up then.
the next time, though , she got further. she went straight to the room and this time , as she rounded the corner , she was aware of a tny flickering light beyond the shadows ... the light disappeared as she turned the corner and before her eyes she saw a large piece of rock carved in the shape of some primitive god. She did not know what god it was and to which religion it belonged but somehow , she knew it was God and needed to be viewed with deference. there was a huge waterfall that send water spraying into all directions , forming a thick veil, a curtain of water in front of the sculpted piece of stone. she had awaken then .

chapter 1: A Dream

The fort stood tall and imposing , yet tucked away from view of many a prying eye......it lay solid and strong, a huge chunk carved out of the mountain, the world around ignorant of its magnetic presence , all except the sea whose waves crashed in onto its alluring depths , blocking the stony path that leads into its mysterious interiors.
it had been there for ages, the master work of the searing waves, polished to perfection by years of moving water, chiselling out large crevices , moulding the giant pillars and forming a maze beneath the towering columns. The walls were tall and hid the dim interiors from view, but the water rose above them and spilt over into the inner sanctum of the fort , which held the water in a deep, stagnant abyss...there was an eerie silence around with the fall of the gushing water richochetting off the massive stone walls.....
the only path that gained entrance to the fort was long buried by the waves...yet when the tide was low, the waters parted , as if torn apart by an invisible hand... and the stony path emerges into view...

Destiny

Is it my fate that the crystal holds?
or is what it holds my fate?

I look at the sun,breathing out fire,
so stern in its life, biding its time
and say ' it is destined'.

Then I look at the birds, free in their paths
not bound to the earth, flying in will,
and say 'it is we who destine'.

When things go wrong, luck deserts
I curse God for steering me so
when success shines, luck stays by
I praise myself for my deeds

Do we live out a life,crafted before
by some hand, mighty and strong.
or do we live out our life, do our deeds
and the hands of time take it down so.